The Smithee Awards Blog

All right! Consider this a warm-up poll to get back in the spirit for "26 movies in 52 weeks Part Two: The Adventure Begins"!


Poll #1488759 Now, the Poll
Open to: All, detailed results viewable to: All, participants: 8

Which numbered movie should I watch?

The ( Standard Smithee Poll Caveats ) apply.

[EDIT: Lost some serious track of time there, sorry. Final results were ... 1990 Bronx Warriors - 1; 2103 Deadly Wake - 2; 2020 Texas Gladiators - 3; 37 Ninja Kids - 3. Were this a "normal" 26 in 52 poll, I would arbitrarily choose the one that I most want to watch. Since this is a special poll, I will arbitrarily decide to watch both winners. Thanks for voting, and look for the first real 26 in 52, part 2 poll coming in December.]

If you ever felt in the mood to watch a vampire movie which feels for all the world like a Christine Feehan fan-fiction with a very strong Mary-Sue element (the lead actress wrote the script), then I would recommend that you watch Kiss of the Vampire. Or perhaps get electroshock therapy.

( I will not simply say that it sucks, because that joke is way too obvious. Read beneath the cut for what I *will* say about the movie. )

There is no earthly (or supernatural) reason why this movie could not air on the Lifetime channel.

Sometimes people ask about movies that we watch which are not Smitheeable. As it turns out, we have three on the plate which I thought I'd do a quick write-up of.
( clicky! )

Not that kind of ho but a go forth and eat and play games kind of ho. We'll be ho-ing it up this Saturday at The Corner Brewery in Ypsi. We're descending on the joint at 5pm so stop by and say "Hey".

-YFNPN

For Your Height Only really wants to be taken seriously as a spy picture. Its main character (Secret Agent 00, played by Weng Weng) is only 2'9" tall, but he has all the trappings of a secret agent. He has the martial arts. He has the gadgets. He has an arch-nemesis. He even has theme music which is sufficiently James Bondlike to be recognizably similar, but not sufficiently James Bondlike to be legally actionable.

( Plot is under cut. It was over Weng Weng's head, but pretty much so was everything in this movie. )Yes, I know.

I read somewhere (imdb?) that The Snow Creature was the first US film to reference the Yeti. I don't know if that's true, but it clearly was before they figured out the successful "Yeti film" formula. Whatever that is.

The plot is pretty basic. A botanical expedition to the Himalayas is hijacked when a mysterious "Yeti" creature steals a Sherpa's wife. Our hero (?) scientist is outraged when the Sherpas call off his climb in order to rescue the woman. But all is made right when they're able to capture a male Yeti (after its mate and child die in a rockslide).

This takes the first 40ish minutes of a 70-minute movie. Not a whole lot of time left for rampage. Our hero (?) gets the beast imported to L.A. under heavy sedation, but the US government intercepts it.

The Department of Immigration insists on holding the Yeti until it can be determined if the Yeti is a sentient being (and under their jurisdiction) or a non-sentient ape-like creature (in which case they'll let it go).

Well, under government guard, it escapes, and goes on a horrific largely-off-camera rampage. They have difficulty tracking it down, until they realize that it's hotter in L.A. than in the Himalayas, and the Yeti must be using the storm drains / catch basins to travel from refrigerated meat warehouse to refrigerated meat warehouse.

Our hero (?) insists that the Yeti be captured alive, but he's too dangerous, and they have to kill him in order to subdue him. The Yeti, that is.

This movie was written by Billy Wilder's nephew, and directed by Billy's older brother. Which just goes to show that talent doesn't necessarily run in the family.

Yes! Another Smithee peep has a birthday today. abbagirl, and it was quite a trick deciding on a movie to watch -- at least until we realized she'd seen Rock of Ages once or twice....

So, her Smithee movie secret ingredient will be (dramatic flourish of cape): Rock'n'Roll Nightmare.

So we're watchin' a movie. Dominus e plurbis movicus!

It's that time of year again!

Deck! the Halls with Clips of Smithee!
Sound of Thun der, no / chu pa ca bra
Try! to think of rhymes so pithy!
God zil la, Cat Man, / Roll er Blade Two.

( Er, no. Silly me. Not Christmas, I meant it's beginning to look a lot like Smithee! Clicky here to read all about the Smithee Primaries at U*CON ... some of whose clips will undoubtedly make the Smithee 19 show for 2010, and others of which will fade (justifiably?) into oblivion. ) It was decided that the perfect Garnish in this context was ragweed.

Or at least "Y"

At this point, I (badmovie) have at least two movies for each letter of the alphabet. Except the letter "Y". Please discuss/suggest/offer potential Smithee movies that begin with the letter "Y."

We have already done The Yin and the Yang of Mr. Go, and Yor, the Hunter from the Future. I know about the Yonggary series of films, but have yet to dig one up. And I know that my local Video Watch has a copy of Ypotron. Otherwise, I am ignorant! Please, share....

This year you can do it again! But with different clips so it'll seem like a totally new show. Because it is.

The fun starts this Saturday at U-Con with the first ever (in Michigan) Smithee Awards Card Game: Schlock. It's a lot of fun and we have..."prizes". Stop by Saturday, 12:00pm - 3:00pm to play or to just hang out because Schlock is a lot of fun to watch (but more fun to play!). Room TBD UClub 16.

In the evening, 7pm to be precise, you can catch the Smithee 19 primaries in (I think Confirmed! I looked it up) the Wolverine Room. We've been there the past several years so I'm taking a stab and calling it for this year. If not, sinage will direct you to the proper room. We know from signs here at Smitheeland. Anyway!

Saturday, November 14th
U-Con at the Michigan Union
(intersection of South University and State Street)
12pm - 3pm - Schlock: The Smithee Awards Card Game
7pm - midnightish: The Smithee Primaries.

but please don't keep them peeled.

Er ... the point! Should anyone happen to spot Jones Soda Tofurkey-and-Gravy locally, please let us know. We would love to bring you some of this delightful ... treasure ... but would rather not pay to have it shipped from Jones Soda in Seattle.

Now, carry on.

To our die-hard Russian LJ friends poputchik_ru, l33thax0r and madkoder who have stuck it out for several years (bravo!) we watch for you: Red Surf. I think last year we decided on Halloween as the collective Russian Birthday Date, since none of them list an actual birthday, but the Earl though today would be an even better date. Heh.

Enough chatter! Movie time!

This is one of those movies that I discovered through the Something Weird film trailer DVD (along with The Godmonster of Indian Flats), as it had one of those scenes that made me sit up on the couch and take notes.

In the case of The Mighty Gorga, that scene was ( the old vaudeville Niagara Falls routine ... slowly I turned ... step by step ... inch by inch ... or, wait. No, it wasn't. )

Ah, if only.

We are about to embark upon your birthday movie watching experience. Per your request(s) we have BMX Bandits queued up and ready to roll.

Today is Cine Mal's "civilian" identity's birthday. He requested a Barbarian! movie. A Sword and Sandals movie will hopefully suffice. It had better. Or he might put you in a headlock ... of DOOM!

In the dark future (is there any other kind?) of Cybernator, where there are large matte paintings of a city at sunset -- or possibly sunrise, it is a dangerous thing indeed to be ... ( not clicking on the cut text and reading the review. )

This movie was so much more than expected, and yet simultaneously so much less. It featured Michael M. Foley, but he was all made up as a cyborg, and virtually unrecognizable, except for his voice.

Construction robot inspired by sci-fi flick Aliens
( Get away from her you b*tch clicky )

Well OK, Aliens wasn't Smithee worthy but daaaang that construction suit wrocked. I also wonder how long it will be until someone makes a Smithee budget movie in which one of these construction suits runs amuck. Oh please oh please!

I (badmovie) find myself several film writeups behind. I thought I was only five behind, but it turns out that I'm nine (or so) behind. Which of these movies should I write up first?


Poll #1477892
Open to: All, detailed results viewable to: All, participants: 11

Which movie should I write up first?

In case you are curious, the parenthetical number is the potential # of clips (not counting potential Promo clips).

Today's XKCD cartoon is indeed Smithee-relevant.