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too many margarita film

...but not the good kind

No, this orgy of bad movies is the bad kind of orgy. The kind that leaves you reaching for the Tylenol at 3 PM the next day because the sun doesn't come with a dimmer switch.

For full pain details,

Swamp Women is the first film Roger Corman ever directed, and the stock footage gives it away. On the other hand, I'm sure it's a fascinating historical record of the Mardi Gras parades of New Orleans in the mid-50s.

It was written by David Stern, but not the commissioner of the NBA -- no, this is the David Stern who wrote the novel that sparked all the Francis pictures.

Other than some typically-atrocious day-for-night shooting at the beginning, this one was pretty decent. If you excised all the stock footage, it might even be enjoyable.

Monster a Go-Go had the sort of sound levels (i.e. incredibly low for the dialogue, way too high for the sound effects, just about right for the voiceover) that are going to cause no end of problems when the time comes to edit clips for the show.

And it was dull. A black-and-white movie that was shot almost entirely in the dark and without sound (or at least that's how it felt). When the high point of the film is a pair of feet walking superimposed across a shot of the moon....

The Screaming Skull was also shot B/W, mostly in the dark. The difference being that it was a pretty decent movie. Gleaned one minor Whoops! possibility from the film, but otherwise ... you will probably never see it in a Smithee Awards show.

The Beast That Killed Women only killed one woman. It followed standard "nudie cutie" rules in that men and women were only shown fully-naked from the back ... if there was frontal nudity, they were either wearing cutoffs or carrying a strategically-placed towel, or something along those lines.

You could sure tell that it wasn't directed by Doris Wishman, though. It looked like they shot sync sound. The camera was on the face of the person talking while they were talking (instead of in a reaction shot). It was great! It didn't make me want to scream at the screen the way that DW-directed films do.

Even though the plot was light, and the monster was a guy in a gorilla suit ("I thought it was just a guy in a gorilla suit at first," says one of the survivors), it was okay.

As far as Hercules and the Princess of Troy was concerned, I had honestly forgotten how much fun those sword-and-sandal movies could be. The plot is about as historically accurate as anything written by a third-grader (Hercules, Ulysses, and Diogenes go to Troy to fight the Sea Monster; King Petra tries to kill Hercules in order to keep his niece, Princess Diana, from ascending to the throne of Troy), but it's earnest. Even when Hercules is helping Princess Diana's boyfriend (Leander) train his men for the Olympic Games, you shake your head and laugh (rather than sigh resignedly or scream in annoyance).

5 movies, 11 clips. Better than the other weekend's 3 movies, 4 clips. Still not as good as Rats: Night of Terror (1 movie, 14 clips), but of course -- what else is?

At least no Erasure lyrics were necessary this time.