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Garbage In Smithees Out

The Other Third to Last MegaMeta Category Recap: Inane Dialogue

This isn't Wednesday. This entry is late. If I post every Wednesday, that means ... I'm following a pattern! But I don't. And I'm not.

There's just something about inanity. It's just so inane. You'll never catch me saying something inane. There's nothing quite as inane as inanity, boy howdy.

To the Smithee Awards definition (swiped adapted from the wonderful roleplaying game "It Came From The Late, Late, Late Show"), Inane Dialogue is as follows: Type A) Something that will soon be contradicted (e.g. "We're safe from the monsters here"), and Type B) Something incredibly obvious ( e.g. "Hey -- you're a woman!").

Otherwise known as "Yeah, Right" or "No Shit".

Your clips competing in MM3 are "No Shit"s all....

2002: Jesse James Meets Frankenstein's Daughter
2003: First Spaceship on Venus
2004: Time Burst: The Final Alliance
2005: The Last Siege
2006: Behind Locked Doors


Jesse James Meets Frankenstein's Daughter is your typical gunfighter/mad scientist movie. Never mind that it's Frankenstein's granddaughter that Jesse meets, as that's irrelevant to this clip. No, in this clip a family is out on a picnic, minding their own business, when a gunfighter comes along and spots the pretty girl. One thing leads to another, and ... *BANG!* "He's been shot!"


First Spaceship on Venus is actually adapted from a Stanislaw Lem story. Hopefully his story didn't have a scene where the spaceship shakes, and things explode, and so on, while the captain of the ship deduces what's going on. "This can only mean an attack!"


Time Burst: The Final Alliance was not based on a story by Stanislaw Lem. Two of the characters are having a discussion, which includes the following exchange:
He: "I don't remember anything."
She: "You must have amnesia!"
Me: *smacking of forehead with palm*


The Last Siege was directed by someone named "Worth Keeter," so there you go. The bad guys are discussing their plan....
Head bad guy: "This bomb will go off, and then the whole town disappears."
His assistant: "Everybody's dead?"
Head bad guy: (long pause) "....yeah."


Behind Locked Doors had actors in it. Still does, I imagine. Two women are staying in a room at night. One goes, to the window, and says to the other, "Anne, this is strange. There's iron bars on the window. It's like a prison." She goes to the door, tries to open it, fails. "This door is locked. From the outside. I can't open it."

...and there you have. It. Them. Those. They.



...and remember, only you can prevent florist fliers!
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