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Garbage In Smithees Out

deep from the darkest depths of New Jersey....

I'm going to give away the secret underneath Beware! Children at Play pretty much immediately under the cut.


It's a sort-of Pine Barrens Beowulf. Really!

Ten years before the bulk of the movie, a professor of Anglo-Saxon literature and his eight-year-old son are camping. The professor gets caught in a bear trap. He babbles deliriously to his son, who soon believes he (the son; Glen Randall) is Grendel. The prof dies and his son eats him.

In the present day, children are missing. The Sheriff has a military buddy who writes accounts of people that have had paranormal encounters. This buddy's wife is a college English prof. Can they crack the case when a group of children is found eating a psychic and chanting, "Tear Bite Gulp Gobble"? Does it help that one of the locals (a member of a weird fundamentalist cult called The Brownies) goes on about "Giants and Goblins who Battle with God"? Of course it does!

Finally, a movie in which the English Literature professor has something useful to offer. Not that it stops her from getting killed and/or eaten. Or any of the other sympathetic characters. Or any of the children. Or....


I actually found this movie pretty clever, and well done on a low budget. The primary reason that it's here (and will probably show up to A Smithee Awards Near You) is due to some Whoops!es, my favorite involving a person being cut in half with a scythe. Good times!

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