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S&Ms

Cybernauseator

In the dark future (is there any other kind?) of Cybernator, where there are large matte paintings of a city at sunset -- or possibly sunrise, it is a dangerous thing indeed to be ... a Senator.

Our hero is a cop. He has a partner. They fight crime. Our hero's acting is a crime which sadly goes unpunished.

Our hero has a girlfriend. She's an exotic dancer with a heart of gold, pasties of tassel, and the approximate acting ability to match. Truly, they were made for each other.

There's a gun battle in the club where our hero's girlfriend dances. The guns are ... well, they look like normal guns. But they shoot beams of cartoony light. They sound like normal guns. But they should go "pew pew pew!"

It turns out that the antagonists are cyborgs (i.e. "men and women with machine parts sticking out of their bodies"). They've killed a Senator, who was having an extra-marital affair (it was one of *those* exotic dancer clubs). In fact, he's the fourth Senator this month that's been killed while having an extra-marital affair.

Hmm. I wonder if there's a connection?

The woman in the police morgue says they look like government cyborgs. The Army Major resolutely denies the existence of Army cyborgs, only to be interrupted by a man with a top-secret file.

The cops are contacted by an informant, who wants to meet down a dark alley at midnight. I'm sure you know where this is going. The Chief of Police tells them not to go. They go anyway. The partner is killed (in a laser shootout ... with cyborgs). Our hero yells at the Army Major, and is yelled at by the Police Chief.

It's that time in the movie, so he has a sex scene with his girlfriend, filled with all the romance you could expect from a "now we can check this off and get on with the film" sex scene.

They break into the Army Base, and discover files on the Cyborgs that our hero fought ... and a file on the hero! He was declared dead in Beirut. He's actually a super-secret fully-human cyborg! Don't try to stop and think about it, it doesn't matter. He has an identity crisis, and the Army captures him before The Bad Guys (who are ... a different branch of The Army) can.

He reluctantly agrees to hunt and kill the renegade Cyborgs (including, of course, the first super-secret fully-human cyborg) in exchange for his girlfriend's freedom -- and his own.

In a somewhat-odd and fairly-anticlimactic series of battles, he hunts down and kills a bunch of cyborgs, including a cyber samurai (!), The Dirty Cyborg That Killed His Partner (and who he defeats by yanking two wires), and The Leader Of The Bad Guys (who gets to deliver the immortal line "You have no weapons left, and nowhere to--" when he gets shot).


This movie was so much more than expected, and yet simultaneously so much less. It featured Michael M. Foley, but he was all made up as a cyborg, and virtually unrecognizable, except for his voice.

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