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one margarita film

Days and Knots, Knots and Days

Island of the Lost feels like a movie sponsored by a Polynesian Cultural Center -- a bad Polynesian Cultural Center.

It begins with a scientist going on an expedition. He's searching for some legendary mysterious something-or-other, and he's bringing along his college-age daughter, his female graduate student, his middle-school age son, a kindly old professor, and (of course!) Drippy the seal.

Unfortunately, the professor has taken ill, and has sent along one of his graduate students in his place -- or should I say "graduate stud." because this ex-football-player is immediately popular with both the scientist's daughter & the female grad student.

Blah blah blah, wholesome scientific angst, stock footage stock footage stock footage, our entire cast is shipwrecked on a mysteeeeerious Pacific island.

Unbeknownst to the scientific expedition (but beknownst to us), a young Polynesian man, Tupuna, is undergoing a test of courage on this island. If he survives two weeks, he will be the new chief!

The island is full of unexpected stock footage dangers, like an open pit volcano that bubbles lava into the air ("Some kind of volcanic action"), or ostriches with weird bone ridges glued onto their foreheads (are they supposed to be cassowaries? who knows).

All pull together, and before long there is a functional shelter on the island, but when the women stumble onto Tupuna as he is delirious in a cave, they help him and break taboo -- and even though none of them speaks a common language, it somehow is communicated that when Tupuna's people return, they will kill everyone on the island.

Tupuna has a knotted piece of rope for marking time, and they only have a few knots days to build workable outriggers from this spot in the jungle (salvaging as much as possible from the shipwreck using stock footage scuba gear).

They pause for a musical interlude (of course Drippy gets into the act here -- he's a seal, for celluloid's sake, it's what seals in movies do), but then it's a race against stock footage time. Even the graduate stud. and the professor's daughter have to put their budding romance aside.

And Tupuna must search his soul to answer the question -- will he stay to be killed by his people, or will he slip off to a world he has never known because he's fallen in googly-eyed Polynesian love with the female graduate student?

For badness' sake, this film has two directors. One who directed the plot, and one who directed the stock footage underwater scenes.

Comments

Coconut fight!

The Ferret clan totally takes the credit/blame for recommending this movie to the Smithkateers, and thanks them for reviewing it. The mutant carnivorous ostriches in the film were almost as funny as the ostriches with muscular human arms invented by Schlock contestant Bob T.