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Smitheemas 14

Smithee Loves VDay Too

On the Second day of Smitheemas, my true Love gave to me Two Naughty Mittens and a Tie of a Brain Searing Hue.

Happy Valentine's Day Kittens, today we have a tender love story about a psychotic killer and the 5 teens he terrorizes. Brian, Kyle, Lindy, Aggie and maybe Tamra (although it really doesn't matter) rent a secluded mountain cabin for a weekend of party debauchery. As they drive to their destination, we are made aware of three things:

One - We really hate the spastic Redhead chick so very much for her shrieking, bobbing, bouncing, flappity spaz hands (more deadly in a crowded back seat than jazz hands) and general amphetamine-like twitchiness that we were fervently hoping the killer would make a special appearance and yoink her out of the car before the credits finished and kill her then and there. Of course he would then have to brain wipe the rest so they could go about their oblivious ways until the script said he was actually supposed to kill them, but we were willing to suspend disbelief for this one perk. Sadly, the bad movie gods did not hear our pleas and we had much screen time with Obnoxia the Redhead.

Two - We knew that there were going to be some killings because the narrator tells us there are going to be killings even before we are introduced to the main fodder characters. The narrator sounds like he comes directly from "Masterpiece Theatre" -- but once the Redhead is introduced, he leaves the movie, and is never heard from again. On the other hand, we are comforted that Crackhead Red will be silenced in the course of the movie and if the bad movie gods weren't kind enough to break the disbelief for us then and there, we could only hope Red was the first to go.

Three - Birds sing and roses blow from nature in the time old tradition of...something something narrator mumbiltygook. I'm still trying to work that one out but it's folksy and true. Whatever it means.

Murder Loves Killers Too, the actual name of our touching ripper flick, wasn't as bad as we had braced ourselves for. It followed the footsteps of the teen slasher flicks of yore; mainly the five teens are whittled down one by one until there is just the one surviving teen, who is then chased cat-and-mouse style here and there. What surprised us was that four of the five were snatched within the first 20 minutes of the flick. The boys were killed in almost pornographically-gory fashion (with meathook and knife), but the girls were killed relatively neatly. And yes, The Red Headed Crack Monkey was the first to go. Thank you movie gods, we never doubted you for an instant! Although we weren't quite sure what the rest of the 45 minutes would bring since that seemed like a really long time to chase someone around the woods trying to murder them.

The second amusing factor was that we once again found a movie which features an OCD serial killer. This brings a nice believability to the actions of the remaining teens when their compadres turn up missing. Where's Tamra? She couldn't have possibly been mutilated in the kitchen because it's spotless. Perhaps she's wandered off in a drunken stupor with Brian. Oh well, we'll look for them in the morning. OCD killer even cleans up after the teen's late night partying, although I kinda see his point there. Have you ever tried to get a teen to clean up after themselves?

Our third bit of amusement came from the soundtrack which was really very clever. We even watched the little "Making of the soundtrack to Murder Loves Killers Too" extra which is highly worth the watch. They play quite a lot with the central MLKT theme depending on the mood. In the dark woods (Guys, whose car is parked in the driveway?) the theme is all creepy John Carpentery, then a little sassy sexy number during the "Wooo! We have a cabin and no parental supervision!" scene and hard rockish for the drunk party montage. They even used it as a beeboppy ring tone of a character's cell phone and the whole time the music was varied enough to not call attention to the fact that it was the same theme. Plus, Naughty Mittens.

To be sure, there was Smitheeness to cull but it's also one of those watchable Smithee flicks. And! If you ever wanted to watch a Smithee movie whose ending doesn't suck, this would be that movie.

I know, I know. I parse the meaning of those words too, but the order is confusing.

Comments

Since Death is a major theme, I'm sure "Alas Poor Yorick!" will be the theme of the clip. The other might be "Cutting Butter with a chainsaw."
There were indeed Alases. And Oblivi. Maybe Cutting Butter but I'm not sure how those scenes were noted because he IS a serial killer after all. Although now that I think on it, the meat hook kid probably deserves an overkill.
Nah, I think meathook kid is tortured -- but it's not Cutting Butter with a Chainsaw. There's a threshold setting.