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SkullCow

The Smithee 15 Origins Recap. Of Doom!

Wheeee! What fun! As most of you know, or may have deduced, Origins is over and thus endeth the 15th year of Smitheelicious Shlock. The official site ([cue reminder link] www.smitheeawards.com) has all the goodness updated for y'all's perusal. In fact, if you go here and click 2006 and hit the "winners only" drop down, you can see it all for yourself. For those of you who are too lazy to follow the link (and I hear you on that) here's the low down:

MLP: Guns of El Chupacabra "Restore order, fight the Chupacabra, become an action hero". Get used to this title, it drops in a lot.
Oblivious: Spontaneous Combustion "What guy on fire in the radio booth?"
Wanna Run: Make a Wish "Bothersome bothering. Oh bother"
LUtRtR: Guns of El Chupacabra "Random Luchadore sex. Yeehaw!"
Alas: Satan's Little Helper "Satan! Rip his guts out!"
Deus Ex: Circuitry Man II: Plughead Reloaded "Magical appearing bad guy squashing safe. Of doom"
SLM: Godzilla vs. Moster Zero "Victory dancing Godzilla"
Worst Science: Circuitry Man II: Plughead Reloaded "I've never interfaced with a quadruped before."
One Liner: Gold of the Amazon Women "I distinctly remember not having packed that snake!"
Worst Cover: Ninja Queen Boxer "She's beautiful, she's deadly, she's not even in this movie! Nor is the plot but hey. Love the Canadian boxers!"
Overkill: Cyborg Soldier "Magnetized, shot, electrocuted, set on fire and then blown up along with the rest of Three Mile Island. Or wherever"
Inane: Behind Locked Doors [moves curtain] "Hey, there are bars on the windows" [rattles door] "Hey the door won't open. It's locked! We can't get out"
Whoops: Snowbeast "Count the skis!"
What?!?: Circuitry Man II: Plughead Reloaded "Killing him softly with their love"
AAS: Slaughter "Who killed my family?" "I did, now get me outta here, you stupid n****!
Worst f/x: Warriors of the Apocalypse "Amazing laser eye battle of zzzzzzzzzzzzzz"
Worst Ending: Carnasaur "Carnosaur dies. Heroes die. Everybody dies!"
Worst Acting: Guns of El Chupacabra "The mighty chin of Robert Z'Dar(ah)!"
Worst Picture: Guns of El Chupacabra "Jack & Naked Chick Versus Grey."

And there you go. The sweet and low down of Smithee 15 winners. Now here's a bit about the show itself. This year we had absolutely no real technical difficulties whatsoever, save the weird not having sound gig with the Impulse Overkill clip. No worries though, Bryan and Matt improvised the scene's dialog and sound effects. Scarily well. Not enough to put it over Cyborg Soldier's "Magnetized, shot, electrocuted, set on fire and then blown up along with the rest of Three Mile Island". I'm not sure Morgan Freeman and James Earl Jones could have improvised Impulse ahead of Magnetized, shot, electrocuted, set on fire and then blown up along with the rest of Three Mile Island. Matt has his suspicions that all the sound was funneled through one channel, that being the channel that Impulse's sound wasn't.

Our Origins attendance peaked at 315 souls/victims/willing hostages and since we were (finally!) put in a room that could hold 500 people if needed, there should have been no seating problems. Certainly there was no need to rustle up chairs from elsewhere since the room was fitted with 400 of them from the beginning, however there were people who could not find a seat once the room got crowded. 400 chairs minus 315 chairs is (mathmathmath) 85 open chairs scattered around and I don't think we had 85+ people not voting. You Origins people have got to learn to bunch up because I am not running for chairs when every row has at least one open seat.

And for the one fella who shouted out "But it's the third day of the con!" I have one word for you: Soap. OK, actually I have four words for you: Soap. Now scoot over!

Your Smithee Public Service Announcement for 2006. Now back to Ms. Nice Ninja.

BTW, Ms. Nice Ninja and Ms. Nice Bimbo utterly adore Mr. Bought Us Some M&Ms and Ice Cream Man and Friends. It's not necessary to feed the ballot collectors but they will adore you for quite some time and even mention your name in a blog. The M&Ms totally hit the spot about a third of the way through the show and the ice cream kept us going to the end. YAY Origins Smithee fans. You guys rock (when you aren't pissing me off with the whole empty chair thing).

Speaking of Smithee Origins Fans, the USA chanting during Overkill made us Smithkateers giggle. What also made us chuckle was your undying love for Guns of El Chupacabra. By the end of the night when the ballots for Worst Picture were being counted, a rabid group of Chupacabre fans scattered themselves among the crowd and started up a "CHUPA! : CABRA!" chant across the auditorium. We've stolen your lead and now use "Chupa! : Cabra!" when trying to find each other in a crowded room. It's much more Smithee than "Marco! : Polo!" My personal best amusement factor came when the rabid Chupacabra lot of you (and I'm not being mean here, I love the Chupacabra Worst Picture clip to pieces) started cheering and shouting "Chupacabra, Megameta". Things were in a high state of excitement until The Sultan announced the five movies that would be going head to head (to head to head to head) this fall for A2 and next year for Origins:

The Mighty Peking Man (Swinging Kitty Love!)
Zombie Lake (It's French! With zombies! And the crazy-ass calliope all during the naked girls volleyball spontaneous swim meet!)
Deadly Life of a Ninja (With Ninja techniques so secret we'd have to kill you if you saw them. So, we'll just film the entire climactic battle scene in the dark.)
Rollerblade (Everyone's favorite half naked, smiley face worshiping, converting with the tools of love, nuns on roller-skates movie)
Guns of El Chupacabra (CHUPA! : CABRA! And grays and naked chicks and firing off live rounds because they didn't have the budget to pull permits for blanks)

Oooooooo. Tough. Zombie Lake and Rollerblade got just as enthusiastic a response as Guns did when The Sultan mentioned them and I'm sure that's only because the audience didn't recognize the title for Swinging Kitty Love or Ninjas fighting in the dark. Tough choices folks, and I'm not even going to touch on the category that is What?!?

When all was said and done, it was another fabulous year of terrible movie bits. That wraps up the presentation year but not the viewing year for your local Smithee crew. We've already got quite a lot of shows watched for the '07 season and are starting in on the '08 season of Smithee watching. I hope you are all thinking of joining us for the MegaMetas 3 this Fall in A2 (place, time and location TBD) or next Origins. A Special reminder to you Origins People: We will be running two shows next year: The MegaMetas 3 and Smithee 16. If things go as they did last MegaMetas, we will be presenting on Friday and the usual Saturday. Stay tuned (here or at the official Smithee site) for the where, when and whathow of the shows. Until then...

CHUPA!
CABRA!

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