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Mega-Meta 4 Let's Up the Rating Recap

Let's Up the Rating to "R" is the Smithee Category recognizing the most gratuitous and unnecessary display of nudity or sex in a movie. Some of you, I'm sure, are of the fervent opinion that no display of nudity is ever truly unnecessary, and that T&A are the cinematic version of cheese -- everything tastes better with a little sprinkle of it. The Smith-ka-teers have some sympathy with this view; trust me, some of us have been known to enjoy ogling, particularly if Dean Cain is the one being ogled.



But honestly, kittens, some movie-makers try to use boobs as flotation devices to prevent the audience from drowning in a sea of boredom, and it simply does not work. True, it takes a director of Ed Wood's caliber to completely suck all prurient interest and aesthetic appeal out of a display of T&A*. But in general, it is difficult to infuse eroticism into a scene that was only included in the movie so that the director can check off an item on the "My Movie Must Have" list.



Then there are the directors who go way further than is really necessary -- entering Ob/Gyn territory or having the actors contort themselves through half the positions in the Kama Sutra. Or the ones who are a little bit too eager to share their particular peculiar fetish with you.



Our nominees:



S 16: The Girl and the Geek (1988) (Smithee Link Here)

S17: Nemesis 4: Cry of Angels (1974) (Smithee Link Here)

S18: Evil Come Evil Go (1964) (Smithee Link Here)

S19: Frankenfish (1993) (Smithee Link Here)

S20: Absolute Aggression (2004) (Smithee Link Here)





In The Girl and the Geek, a room full of women applying stage makeup in front of brightly lit vanities receive the titillating news that another woman has been kidnapped. How exciting! They don’t seem to know any relevant information, and none of them actually does anything about this situation. But speaking of titillating, the women are topless and some even appear to be fully nude, although a conveniently placed handbag makes it difficult to know for sure.



In Nemesis 4: Cry of Angels, our cyborg heroine is in the car with a male cyborg. They’re a little bored, leading to some hot intensely disturbing cyborg-on-cyborg action. He’s putting what where? But there’s not even a… Eww. Watching director Albert Pyun’s erotic vision makes me want to flush my brain out with something run-of-the-mill and wholesome, like animated tentacle porn.



In Evil Come Evil Go, crazed highly eccentric street preacher Sarah Jane (no relation to the Dr. Who character) needs bait to lure in evil, fornicating men, so she can kill them. She has her follower Penny strip and display the goods in order to evaluate her bait potential. Finding the quality of Penny’s womanflesh adequate, they praise the Lord with a few verses of “Onward, Christian Soldiers” sung au naturale on Penny’s part.



In Frankenfish, our heroes are combing neighborhoods in the bayou, looking for clues regarding mysterious deaths. They don’t find any at this particular house, but do find a naked woman sunbathing. A man wanders out, carrying a fruit basket, with only a bunch of bananas between the audience and a full frontal view. He does what anyone would do in this situation; he offers a friendly greeting and a bite to eat. “Y’all want some fruit?”



In Absolute Aggression, our hero is trapped in a virtual reality prison, forced to battle for his life in the ultimate extreme reality show. The villain – the VR warden – decides it’s time to break up all the violence with a little sex, and sends in a woman. After an angry monologue about how they are all whores for the warden, our hero gives the warden exactly the show he wants. Crowds of viewers gathered in a public square cheer the action as it is displayed on a giant screen.





*See Orgy of the Dead (Smithee Link Here). I highly do not recommend it.



-abc
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I can't believe that I've not only seen these, I remember them all.
Well, it's not like you're going to forget Nem 4. Although, if you ever figure out how, I'd love to know.