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SkullCow

I Just Want to Drill a Hole in the Disc to Let all the Sap Out.

Hello Smithee fans! The Graphics Guru and Your Friendly Neighborhood Promotions Ninja decided that Iron Chef Smithee (badmovie) was out stripping us in the movie watching department so we had at it again with the moviage. I wanted to watch the last two movies from Son of Bag of Evil, but The Guru pointed out that we were having baked beans for dinner and he didn't want to be watching Brain of Blood and Cannibal Freaks**. Well, hrrmph. So I picked out the least food offensive movie we had: Somewhere, Tomorrow. It stars Sarah Jessica Parker! And there are Songs! In 3/4 time. All the time.

But first, let me tell you of how we came about owning this movie, for that is a much better story than the movie could ever hope to concoct. The Guru, Scott H. and I were out geocaching last summer and decided to find a cache in the Arb. It was a "love" themed cache and it was also on an island in the middle of the Huron River. You locals know that you don't wanna be nonchalantly strolling into the Huron and you locals who know me know that you don't want to be anywhere near me whilst I might be traversing a knobby, skinny tree that has fallen over and become a bridge to said island. I can't even walk a balance beam without incident, so I decided to stay shore bound. The Guru and Scott H. braved the tree (of doom) and came back with this lovely gem of a movie.

Actually, that story isn't that thrilling which goes towards my point. Somewhere, Tomorrow is like one of those teen romance novels where all the romance angst is onscreen and all the hot and heavy is implied. I hate those books, it's like blue balls in paper format. If this wasn't originally and "After School Special" I'd be really surprised because it's not a good movie but it's also (sadly) not a bad enough movie to make up for having to sit through it. In 3/4 time. What we did get out of it was a so-so Oblivious and a classic crummy ending which may be too long to clip. ARRRGH! Of course we can always clip most of the "I have turned my life around and I now sing sappy songs of hope to old people" finale but that would mean just a smidgeon of SJP lip-synching poorly to a badly sung sappy tune (in 3/4 time!). If I had to sit through three full songs of 3/4 badly sung sappy love hope songs I want everyone else to at least have to sit through more than three seconds of the same.

I believe the Iron Chef is keeping track of the '08 Smithee Flicks so this one may be movie 6. Or it may just be scrubbed all together.

((**I can't really remember the names of the movies so when we do watch them and they aren't titled what I've said, just go with the flow MmmKay? Great!))

Comments

Actually, the numbering I used is my personal numbering. So for an overall number, this is 7. Unless you guys watched something without me other than Satan's School For Girls and This Piece Of Tripe You Are Describing Now.

...I thought Sideshow was also in Son Of Bag Of Evil. Am I mistaken? Or was it passed over for some other perfectly valid (*cough*Fred Olen Ray*cough*) reason?
"I can't really remember the names of the movies" means that they totally could be anything from "Sunday in the Park" to "The screaming horror of the brain creatures". All I know for sure is one had a big ol' brain on it and the other one has something to do with freaks. Possibly also cannibals. Possibly brain eating cannibals freaks. I truly suck at remembering exact things like that.
"...blue balls in paper format..."

I'm sure I'll stop laughing eventually. 8^)