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Koenig did not want

Some say Bruce Lee will never die, but even if he does....

This review is of a film entitled Bruce Lee Fights Back From the Grave, and it lives here under the cut.

Bruce Lee Does Not Appear In This Film, although Bruce Lea does. Nobody actually fights back from the grave, though. That confused us for a bit before we realized that the title was an outright lie (as opposed to the usual subtle lies).

Some of the "high" points include:

Bruce Lea makes these weird noises when he fights. "Did Pac-man just die in the next room?" type noises. Although I blame that on the over-enthusiastic Foley artists. When Bruce (and the camera) are in one room, looking out through a sliding glass door, across a balcony, down at a woman walking on the far side of a swimming pool, and we can hear her shoes CLIP CLOP CLIP CLOPping clear as day ... that's too much Foley. Too much Foley in the fight scenes, too much Foley in the chase scenes, and I'm sure if we'd had any love scenes -- I'm sorry, my brain just shut off.

Wong (Bruce) arrives in America, but when he visits the dojo belonging to a friend, he discovers that the friend has just recently been killed by (apparently) The Village People. Seriously, he is told that his buddy was last seen alive in the company of "a Japanese, a White, a Black, a Mexican, and a Cowboy."

So he goes off in search of these men, gets picked up by a waitress (a real "Daphne from Scooby-Doo" type who is always getting beaten up -- in fact, at one point he needs to use acupuncture to bring her back from the brink of death), borrows her car, has it stolen, watches a parade randomly pass through, and finally (finally!) he has his showdown with The Village People.

The back cover reads "He eventually finds the bad guys behind it all, and they live to regret it." This is another blatant lie. All the bad guys behind it die pretty much right after Wong finds them. Nobody regrets anything. Except me, for watching the movie. And lunargeography, for watching it with me.

At least it was a nice parade.

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