Log in

No account? Create an account
anonymous kph

D is for Druids

The wonderful thing about Druids is that Druids' a wonderful thing. No, wait a minute. Sorry, that was something else. This movie did at least have some very nice scenery. Gaul in 60 B.C. looked quite pretty indeed. And of course it featured druids in a prominent moderate very minor role (Max von Sydow). Really it was about the Romans conquering Gaul, and personally the relationship of baby-faced Julius Caesar (Klaus Maria Brandauer) and Vercingétorix (Christopher Lambert), he of the frizzy poofy hair.

It was one of those films where five minutes in, you know that you're watching for pride, because you're not going to get very much Smithee-worthy. Two hours and four minutes, and all I got was a best one-liner clip. Even the nudity was plot-driven!

You know how the film has to turn out (in broadest strokes) if you have the slightest knowledge of history: (um ... doesn't Caesar conquer Gaul? yup) (um ... how come I haven't heard of the long tradition of Gallic Druids? guess things don't go too well for them, then).

But in the movie's defense, it's...




Oh sad. I was hoping for another "The Wicker Man" (the original, I mean. I wouldn't wish the Nick Cage version on my worst enemy.)


Perhaps this is a first, though: Christopher Lambert actually playing a Frenchman, instead of a Scot or Englishman or what-have-you.

And the druids were probably missionaries, trying to convert those non-pagans on the continent. What Gaul!

-Sean K.
Perhaps he is slowly working his way up the continent? Maybe his next movie will be Incubus, but in Flemish instead of Esperanto....
I voted for this movie solely to make snarky comments about Christopher Lambert's hair. I mean, that hair... so dry, so flyaway, so abused. Would a kind and loving God permit poor innocent hair to be treated this way? If there were a higher power worthy of adoration in this universe, would it not force hot oil treatment upon that hair? Or at the very least put the hair out of all of our misery and strike Mr. Lambert Bald?

That hair, I tell you, induced an existential crisis into my heart. God is dead. Or he hates Vidal Sassoon. One or the other.

But once we watched the movie, the fear and loathing induced by the hair soon took second place to my "That baby-faced man is Julius Ceasar? You have to be kidding me!"

Which was then followed up by sheer amazement at the power of Klaus Maria Brandauer's acting. Yup. No one should be able to say such ominous things so smoothly, so kindly... I could buy that baby-faced man conquering the known world, yes I could.