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I'm Just Glad We Didn't See Any Scarecrow Ta-Tas.

Last night was another venture into Smithee '08 movie watching over at badmovie and lunargeography's abode. The movie du jour, picked out by the lovely LunarGeography, was Scarecrow Gone Wild which...Hee! Who sits back and thinks "You know what genres we need to cross? Slasher horror and those spring break girlie flicks. Genius!" I totally understand why Badmovie picked this flick up because that's just too bizarre not to.

If you don't want to look at any more, don't

According to IMDb, the plot summary is: "College mischief spins out of control unleashing a horrifying scarecrow who terrorizes a resort town during Spring Break."
So it's your basic early twenties crowd doing dumbass crap which awakens a homicidal thing-it that goes on a bloody rampage movie. Also, the twenty-somethings are on spring break so they decide to spend most of the movie on the beach when they aren't in the cornfield pissing off the scarecrow. Aaaaaand this brings me to my first movie observation: Where is there a resort town near a body of water large enough that you can't see the other shore, yet close enough to a substantial corn field that it's but an easy drive to get there after hazing your pleebs? The sun sets in the wrong part of the sky to be the Atlantic Ocean and California doesn't grow corn so they're what...on the eastern shore of Lake Michigan? OoooKay then!

My second movie observation is that none of the characters really cultivate any sympathy or empathy or...well you just sort of hate them all really. LunarGeography, Badmovie and I were trying to decide which character we wanted to see gruesomely hacked and slashed first: Asshole Mike? His Bitchy Ex? How about Cock-Blocking Best Friend? Terminally Fratboy Stupid Whatshisface? So many choices! You almost want to root for the scarecrow.

Enough of the movie analysis, what did we glean i.t.o. Smitheeage!! There wasn't a whole lot at first, although there were two beautiful almost Alases, which weren't, that made us very sad. Picture Guitar Fella asleep on the sand. Now picture Asshole Mike and Terminally Fratboy Stupid Whatshisface burying Guitar Fella up to his neck, giving him sand boobies and following up with a wake-up shower of pee to the head. If that weren't insult enough, they then leave him trapped and pissed on the beach. Picture the perfect time for the scarecrow to come and do some decapitation. Picture us very sad when it didn't happen. No alas for us.

I think we did get a worst acting, two alases, maybe an AAS, a nice one liner and a couple LUtRtRs...but not as many as you might think given that this is supposed to be a half spring break frisky coeds movie. There was certainly much more scarecrow than there was gone wild but enough Smitheeage to make it worth the watching. Sort of. At least Asshole Mike got gutted so we were happy. Yay scarecrow!



Who sits back and thinks "You know what genres we need to cross? Slasher horror and those spring break girlie flicks. Genius!"

Actually, I think I thought pretty much exactly that while plotting out my Late Show epic, "Lemmings".

--The Sultan