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anonymous kph

I is for Inseminoid

As it happened, Inseminoid was nowhere near as bad as I expected. Of course, I was expecting some sort of misogynistic near-pornography, so really there's a lot of faint praise left to be damned with. What I got was an early-80s (1981) British science fiction film, and although it did feature a penis-shaped monster alien, it was more Quatermass and the Unfortunate-Looking Alien in attitude than The Alien Files.

A xenoarcheological team is exploring a strange underground cavern system and trying to determine more about the (long-vanished) alien race that created it and carved messages into the rock. Unfortunately, a member of the team violates the unwritten "do not go toward strange crystals that grow brighter as you approach" rule, and there is an explosion. In the resulting brouhaha, one crew member is killed (sort of), and one is injured. The injured one goes mad, and is responsible for the deaths (direct and indirect) of a couple fellow crew members.

In the process of all this craziness, one of the female crewmembers (Sandy) is captured, artificially inseminated by an alien (via a glass tube full of beer and ping-pong balls, aka "Insert Classic-Dr.-Who-Quality Medical Special Effect Here"), and released. Or maybe ... she just imagined the whole thing! Because why would the expedition's doctor be present at the insemination?

The doctor claims that Sandy is pregnant, despite administering the standard birth control injections just a month prior. The captain doesn't believe that's possible -- and then the whole matter is dropped, as Sandy starts killing other members of the crew. She stalks and kills pretty much all of them, then gives birth to adorable penis-head alien twins.

Will the remaining crew be able to outlive Sandy? What will they do with the baby aliens once they find them? What happens when the ship comes to pick up our intrepid crew (who you will recall are exploring a cave system, which has left them out of radio contact)? If you have ever seen a film before, you can probably answer at least two of these questions correctly (yes, even if it was an Uwe Boll film).



I went hunting up stills to link in to the review, but then remembered that I still like y'all.

Comments

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Suddenly, Stalker Patti doesn't seem so bad, does she? :)
Oops. That was supposed to have the quote about how Sandy stalks and kills the crew. Damn comments!
...well, it took Sandy a while to go crazy and start killing folks. We will keep a wary eye (monster) on you for a while ... just in case!