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Garbage In Smithees Out

Mega-Meta Category Recap # Something of Something: Best One-Liner

Which beats a burst wine loaner any ol' day of the week.

We like to bill this one as "The Smithee Award that you wouldn't mind winning," although 1 of 2 people who have received physical Smithee trophies seemed pleased about it.

At any rate, these are supposed to go to the line with teh funny. And teh details are under

The winning clips are from the following films:

2002: King Kong vs. Godzilla
2003: Circuitry Man
2004: Black Shampoo
2005: Leprechaun: Back 2 tha' Hood
2006: Gold of the Amazon Women

...and those are your choi--wha? You mean you actually want to know what the one-liners are? Hrmf. I will warn you now -- they're pretty much all "you had to be there"-type things ... so you'd best show up on December 16....

The King Kong vs. Godzilla clip takes place on a tropical island. The Japanese scientists are making contact in hopes of purchasing the Giant Ape that they've been lead to believe also lives on the island. They are ingratiating themselves in the time-honored manner of handing out cigarettes all around. One of the scientists is happily doing this when he realizes that he's about to give cigarettes to a child. He frowns, and holds it back, but the child is petulant. His recalcitrance evaporates when one of his compatriots points out that the child's mother is smoking as well.
"It's okay," he says, "they're all smoking!"

Circuitry Man takes place in a future where ... well, that's not really relevant. The villain (Plughead) has just stolen a briefcase of extremely powerful data chips. He wants to kill our heroes, but first he needs to test the chip. He pops it into his head (get it? they call him Plughead because he has Plugs in his Head - oh the writer of this one needed corporal punishment as a child).
He says, "Why jack off when you can jack in?"

Black Shampoo is the first (and so far, only) movie to make The Smithee Awards which was suggested by the Beyond Balderdash board game. Mr Jonathan (hero of the film and owner of the hair salon) is confronting the man (the local mob boss) who has kidnapped his new receptionist. Her hair looks totally different from how it looked before she was kidnapped. She tells Jonathan that she wants to stay with the mob boss.
"Okay," he says, "...but your hair looks like shit that way."

Leprechaun: Back 2 tha' Hood is the sixth in the Leprechaun series of horror films, and it takes a solid step away from the line dividing the horror comedy from the horror film with cheesy bits. So of course, we latch onto a humorous line (because we are perverse). The heroes need to contact a medium, to discover what she knows about Leprechauns (they've found some gold, see, and ... well ... if you really care, go out and watch it). She's with a client, but they just interrupt her anyway. "But what about my dead wife?" the client asks.
"She'll still be dead tomorrow," the heroes say as they hustle him out.

Gold of the Amazon Women is the sort of film that restores your faith in humanity. But that's not important right now. Our heroes are unpacking in their hotel. One of them opens his luggage, only to find a snake inside. He quickly kills it.
"Pack your things," he says to his sidekick, "we're leaving."
"But why? We just got here."
"Blasko [international drug dealer] knows we're here."
"How do you know?"
"Because I distinctly remember not having packed that snake."

There ... are you happy now? No? Then try morphine. It should do the trick. Or if you prefer, this one. I recommend either as a "Cure For Pain."



...and when churches go bankrupt, they have to file Chapter 11 Verse 3. What's the HTML code for a rimshot?
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Comments

Oh dude, I forgot about that Black Shampoo line! My husband and I were saying that to each other for weeks. I have to resurrect that in the homestead....
Hey! I meant to hop on last time you posted a comment and say "Hey!" but I am a lazy cheeto butt. Or maybe I've just planed it so that I could tell you this little blurbit: The Black Shampoo line was actually not badmovie's first choice for one liner from this flick. He will tell you that his favorite line got robbed. The rest of us will tell you that it goes by a little too fast and a little not so clear and besides...this one won right?

-Your friendly neighborhood promotions ninja.
Thanks for replying :) This is so exciting :) Yes, I think this one did win...everything kind of blurs together in the Smithee-love in my brain....

Patti