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really scary mike

In "honor" of slyon's birthday

We haven't actually watched it yet, but I didn't think that should stop me from attempting a write-up of the movie in line for slyon's birthday. The one that most sounds like a porn. Man-Thing!

There is hot new flesh in town, as a local sheriff makes an exciting discovery deep inside a sultry swamp located conveniently near to his town.

A greedy oil company is thrusting its powerful rods deep into the yielding bosom of the moist swamp-land, hoping to provoke a powerful gusher which will spurt dark sticky fluid high into the air, landing inevitably on Mother Earth's chin.

But she is pregnant with all sort of mysterious forms of life, and in order to provide herself suitable protection from this mysterious stranger invading her most delicate regions, she calls forth one of her favorite vegetal gentleman callers.

A ... Thing ... which is no stranger to her verdant swamp. And yet a ... Thing ... whose touch burns those that do not belong. A Guardian ... Thing. A Tumescent ... Thing. One might even say a ... Man ... Thing ....

After a slowly pulsating build, stroke by masterful stroke, the film finds itself throbbing to an increasing pulse, as it races (but not too quickly) to its inevitable thrilling climax.

The corpses slowly snuggle deep into the embracing bosom of the peaceful swamp as their blood slowly leaches out and their breathing slows, slows, falters, stops. The film ends with a slowly drooping camera shot, as the screen slowly descends into slow blackness.


There is an awful lot of awesome in this post right here.