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Movies We're Watchin'

Another Smithee Movie Write-up

The other day the Earl sent a "tickle" saying that we had 2 unwritten Smithee movies and would I like to do the honors of writing one of them up. To this I replied, "We do? What did we watch?" which never is a good sign. It turns out we saw a sort of Godzilla-type movie (but with a lame sea monster-HUGS!) and a Post Apocalyptic Disco Butt-sex Movie. Sadly, I remember The New Barbarians better and that wasn't the Japanese Kaiju movie.

So. In this world of Post Apocalypsation, there is a group of Templars who have decided that they need to cleanse the world of the sin that is humanity. Starting, naturally, with everybody else. This they do with a couple caravans until our lone rider hero Scorpion ( Giancarlo Prete ) shows up and recues a non-horrifically mauled (and hot!) caravan straggler ( Anna Kanakis ). The two of them along with sometimes lone carman companion Nadir (Fred Williamson) make it to a heavily fortified encampment and hole up for a while.

As is the usual progression of these things, the Templars are not happy about this turn of events and decide to waste a lot of resources trying to capture the encampment. There is also some history between the head templar and Scorpion which only exacerbates the templars' killing fervor. Naturally, the only solution is for Scorpion to take on the whole holy gang mano y crazyos which doesn't go well for him the first go around. With a bit of rescuing by Nadir, a new pair of pants (templars have an interesting torture regimen) and an awesome(*) new plexiglass suit of indestructibility, Scorpion is ready to kick templar ass…even if he's still walking a bit funny.

[(*)awesome meaning utterly ridiculous in this instance.]

Things of note about this movie were: The cover is deliciously wrong on so many levels it's hard to know where to start. We also picked up quite a number of Alases to choose from since the Templars have numerous methods of running down hapless pedestrians and Nadir likes to shoot exploding arrows into people's heads. Speaking of Nadir, Williamson's character seems to primarily show up when Scorpion is getting a beat down and then waits to step in until he's sure Scorpion is absolutely screwed. This happened often enough that we nicknamed Nadir "Clippy" for his, "Hey! It looks like you're getting a beat down. Would you like help with that?" entrances.

If ever there was a movie that a Bee Gee would be proud of, this may be that movie. If I can't have you (or your fanCAY disco costumes), I don't want nobody baby.


I can't believe that Mr. Williamson went from GI Bro to this. Sigh.