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cake comes to frogtown

Rocking in the Free World (or at least Canada)

For abbagirl's birthday, we might have been able to pick a more appropriate movie to watch than Rock'n'Roll Nightmare, but I kinda doubt it.

Jon Mikl Thor plays John Triton, lead singer of "The Tritons," the heavy metal band that is going to an isolated farmhouse to record its next album. I should note here that Jon Mikl Thor is lead singer of "Thor," and recorded an album of music to accompany the movie.

The farmhouse, alas, is cursed. Cursed with horribly claymated demonic apparitions which ate the previous occupants. The members of The Tritons pair off and have sex, then are picked off one-by-one, replaced with satanic duplicates.

Finally, after John's wife has been turned, Satan Itself (in all its low-rent-claymation Harryhausen-did-it-better glory) shows up to claim John Triton. But in a shocking twist, the trees are trying to kill humanity! Wait, wrong movie. I mean, John Triton was secretly Triton the Intercessor (an archangel), and his band members were merely mental phantasms conjured along the lines of supporting characters from Friday the 13th movies. "I thought that bass player looked familiar," says Satan.

John Triton's hair poofs out to full metal effect, and his hairless bodybuilder chest glistens with the Light of a Thousand Kicker Spotlights, and then Triton and Satan have a knock-down-drag-out Intercessor-on-clay-critter hand-to-"hand" fight, which Triton wins. Satan escapes before Triton can take care of him in a more permanent fashion, and Triton says a little prayer at the graves of the family that was killed in the beginning of the movie ... I think.

But let me repeat that last part in case you missed it. In the climactic fight sequence, John Triton has big '80s-metal hair, and a hairless bodybuilder chest, and basically I found myself giggling through the film's climax. Probably not the emotion that the filmmakers had intended to evoke.


I was impressed by how phallic all of the claymation demonic apparitions were. Issues, much, Mr. Thor?