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Do Not Want (new can)

Origins Smithee 19

Another year, another Smithee Season down!

We held the awards again on Friday this year which threw a couple people off. Eventually I'm hoping that the Friday migration will become part of the ur Smithee brain but for now, it is perplexing some people. Not a whole lot of people, however, as 339 of you total (275 max vote) found your way to the show Friday. It was a long way too...

We had to throw up maps on the website(s) because dayum! For those of you who don't get to Origins, the main drag entrance is at the extreme right of that pic. The circled red spot is where the Terrace Ballroom was and that's at the complete other end of the convention center. The convention center is HUUUUUUGE! We figured it would be quicker to walk to the Fed-Ex place just outside the main drag and have yourself Fed-Exed next day or same day air to the other end of the hall.

Once we found the room, we peeked in around 5pm to discover it in a completely unSmithee state. Apparently, along with our badges, they had no record of needing to do anything with the room other than schedule it. We asked them politely to make good with the seats and rows and soon enough things were put right. The Origins people were a bit disorganized this year.

Eventually all was put right with quite a lot of help from our Smithee fans who show up ungodly early. The early bird arranges chairs apparently. Hats off to Bruce (Maltball wimple guy) for organizing the chair set up crew. Huzzah!

I have to say though, we had a supreme location right on the other side of the beer garden. lunargeography and I spent a lot of time running our spiel to anyone and everyone coming near our position. Strangely enough, the lure of bad movies often outweighed the forward motion of beer getting. We would ask people "Beer or Smithees?" and they would look baffledly at us and ask "What's a Smithees?" Then when we explained their eyes lit up and they detoured into the room. Some left after a category (bye bye pleather clad catwoman) to get more beer but others stayed for a clip or two more. LG and I prattled the Smithee spiel so much that the beer garden bouncers began to take over Smithee hawking. That was sooo coooool!

Of course we had giveaways and of course I got all your pics. Here is the first Blob sliming his (or her) way to a new home.

Remember when I said a while back that it's not our fault that people we know keep getting randomly drawn? Hi drd2be! Please enjoy your complete packet of Smithee buttons!

The second Blob finds a home.

And a second complete show pack of buttons goes out into the big scary world.

And the worst picture is....

Hold on, we're not done re-re-recounting.

You crazy Origins peeps made them recount worst picture at least 4 times because the margin was so close. That's not the only category either that came in extremely "recount" close. In count close order, one category won by 8 votes, one won by 5 votes, one by 2 votes, one by 1 vote and one was a tie (until the Sultan counted his vote I do believe - which he casts before any votes reach the counting table in case you wondered. Also, so you don't lynch him).

So we had more giveaways! Here is winner 5 walking away with a Smithee movie -- Dragon Wars, I believe.

Winner 6 a bit blurry but new movie in hand! A Sound of Thunder, I disbelieve.

HOLY COW! Winner 7 gets a movie! Frankenfish!

Mr. Smithee gets Vodker and Toast.

The Earl wants you to know that he is Still Counting!

Hanging or Pregnant Chad (take your pick) helped us out with the counting. And recounting.

The Sultan is heads down trying to figure out who won. Finally we had a winner and everyone was happy! Except for the people whose movie didn't win.

The winners:

MLP: "Tiger Love" - It is said that when a woman pisses kisses a tiger it becomes her slave for life.
Oblivious: "Catman in Boxer's Blow" – You two stay here here while I interact with the bad guy. *stabbity* Fuck! She's dead!
Wanna Run: "Nude for Satan" – "Don't think about the past or the present, think about now."
Worst f/x: "Exterminator City" – Perpetual Sawoosh! Followed by shake shake swing shake boom swing.
Alas: "Future Force" – Flying one-button remote controlled arm smack down beating.
Deus Ex: "Dragon Wars" – Invincible bad guy is no match for Detroit steel; station wagon FTW!
SLM: "Evil Brain From Outer Space" – Cat-brain-eye space creature in very tighty whitey spandex.
Worst Science: "Godzilla vs Biollante" - Microwave Godzilla to cause the bacteria they infected him with to grow faster.
Best One Liner: "Steel" - "Well I'll be dipped in shit and rolled in bread crumbs."
Worst Cover: "Bruce Lee Fights Back From The Grave" – Lightning strikes the grave of Bruce Lee which causes Bruce Lea to get involved with a girl with similar problems.
Overkill: "Bruce Lee Fights Back From The Grave" - Bad guy shoots his buddy who is being held hostage. Again and again and again...
Inane Dialogue: "Godzilla vs Biollante" - "Damn. It's Godzilla"
Whoops: "Mars" - No Bloody Nose the Trouble They've Scene: Blood changes from shot to shot.
What?!?: "Tiger Love" - I've killed my 100th person and now I shall become...an old lady!
AAS: "5 Lady Venoms" – Losing at strip dice: Turn around while I take off my dress.
LUtRtR: "Frankenfish" - Y'all want some fruit?
Worst Ending: "Exterminator City" – The villain gets to come back as anyone he wants. He chooses the cop and kills Mistress Rhiannon. The cop fights back and kills himself. Sawoosh.
Worst Acting: "The Sadist" - Arch Hall Jr. Huhuh. Huuuuhuhhuhhuh.
Worst Picture: "Catman in Boxer's Blow" – "My Mom? She made my dad cook." "Was he a good cook?" "Yeah, if you liked Vodker and toast" "Shut up Catman! Prepare to die!!"

See you next year!


Once again, I had deleted Mistress Rhiannon from my memory banks and once again, she is brought back w/ a vengeance.

I am glad to see that the Tiger movie did so "well"...that was a "good" one.
The smithee cross promotion worked a bit for us. A few folks came by. Maybe next year we can kick it up a notch.
Sorry about our (my) spaciness, we got off to a really poor start on Thursday (badges didn't exist until well into the Button in the Breezeway) and I was trying to catch up from there on out. Next year we (me) shall plan better!

Glad you enticed a Smithee novice to the show.

I understand. GAMA hosed up a lot of planning this year. Some of us are pretty peeved about it. Trade day had no retailers and our press conferences had no press. My booth babe didn't have the correct badge for almost two days. They really need to clean up their act.
Technically, it was one vote that was a tie except until I counted my vote, which pushed the winner over the edge; and a second (um, Worst Picture) that my vote made a tie, which was then decided by "audience applause." Except that, these days, we've gone to a slightly more scientific definition of "audience applause" as "the clip that got more votes at the show we're currently at".

So, although I didn't realize it at the time, technically my vote in Let's Up wasn't decisive, because Frankenfish had the tie-breaker, anyway. But Worst Picture was indeed an outright tie. If I'm reading my notes right, that was our first tie since 1999, when we had less than 1/4 of the total voters we do today.
Your vote in Let's Up was only decisive if it came down to a choice between the top two vote-getters. Otherwise, you're off the hook for that one.

I knew it had been a long time since we had an outright tie, but I didn't realize it was over a decade.
And it didn't -- if I hadn't voted for Frankenfish, I would have voted for Exterminator City, which finished third.
Also, I think it should be noted that that bottle of Vodker we gave Mr. Smithee to go with his Toast cost $3.95. Nothing but the finest for our Mr. Smithee!

(Speaking of which, you didn't tell me how much you guys shelled out for the Toast. I really, really, really hope it cost more than the Vodker. That would be Teh Awesome!)
Great show this year guys. I think the bevy of close votes indicated the overall low quality of material. Er, high quality. Er, Smithee quality.


Smithee / Beer Garden Synergy?

It seems to me like we need to combine the Smithees and the beer garden next year. What a combo!

I was browsing IMDB tonight looking for "Alan Smithee" to see what bad movies may be out there. One was a pr0n movie. Just how BAD does pr0n have to be for someone to go all "Alan Smithee" on it?

Re: Smithee / Beer Garden Synergy?

Beer Garden and Smithees would wrock in theory but in practicality we are just WAY too busy before the show to chill and hang with peeps. Of course, there's nothing saying y'all can't do your own hanging before the show.

We don't do pr0n because we like to keep a 'R' rated or under show. Pr0n would certainly eliminate a portion of our audience and for not a lot of advantage. Besides, I'm thinking pr0n is like comedy; who wants to watch a bad version of either?


Re: Smithee / Beer Garden Synergy?

Sorry, wasn't suggesting that Smithees go pr0n, just pointing out that there was a pr0n movie listed in IMDB that the director was "Alan Smithee." So it must have been WAY bad!


Lilith Stabs in Exterminator City

So I decided to go to IMDB and read about Exterminator City. The cast is filled with women who don't typically wear many (any?) clothes on-screen.

One of particular note is Lilith Stabs. And no, she is not a porn actress.

A quick IMDB search of her movies (http://www.imdb.com/name/nm0820931/) revealed titles such as "Vampire Call Girls," "Evil on Queen Street," and "Come Get Some More" (which I assume must have been the sequel to "Come Get Some").

Ms. Stabs' list of "acting" credits seems like a rich vein that the Smithee team might want to mine.

Re: Lilith Stabs in Exterminator City

OoooOOoooo! I shall make sure the Earl is aware of this...gold mine. He's our procurer of odd and Smitheelicious things.