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three peeps say WHAT?!?

J is for Jolly Roger: Massacre at Cutter's Cove

Jolly Roger: Massacre at Cutter's Cove concerns a (demon? ghost?) distinctly (un)dead pirate named Jolly Roger, a town called Cutter's Cove, sixteen heads, and a dead man's chest. What more do you need than that?

Decent acting would be nice. It's not every movie that gives a solid Worst Acting performance at the three minute mark. At least we have something to cheer about when the demon pirate lops the actor's head off in a cheesy SFX display a mere ten minutes later.

The cheese continues throughout the film, as an eye is poked out with a marshmallow on a stick, a stripper is decapitated mid-pole, and the CGI blood flows.

Eventually, the two survivors from the first scene track down the true secret of the town of Cutter's Cove -- it was founded by the sixteen sailors that betrayed Jolly Roger the pirate ("Like, The Meanest Pirate, Ever"). And the demon ghost of Jolly Roger is hunting down descendants (one per sailor), decapitating them, and storing their heads in his Dead Man's Chest.

When he has all sixteen of them, then he will return to Hell along with the spirits he has taken. That's it. He's a self-exorcising demon pirate. And even though the only person still on his list is the annoying mayor of Cutter's Cove (the other Worst Acting nominee), the two kids and the police chief still feel the necessity of trying to stop Jolly Roger.

The kids warn the mayor, and the chief steals JR's chest. Wait a minute. Isn't some horrible fate supposed to befall a person who steals a pirate's chest?

Actually, it's irrelevant. No fate worse than this film could befall any of the actors involved, unless ... I wonder if Matt Jaissle is hiring.