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Richard Harrison

K is for The Killing of Satan

The Killing of Satan is a Filipino horror film. I was going to make a joke about the bizarre use of Christianity in this film, but that would only trivialize the bizarre magic-ritual-using self-flagellating God-loving folks who are the deep dark gooey center of this film.

The Prince of Magic shows up to a religious gathering, and asks people to worship him and his master. They decline, so he makes their village leader's head spin round and round.

The Exorcist workout plan does not leave him feeling well, so he starts making arrangements for his replacement -- not the man who married his daughter, but his nephew Lando, who left the village several years ago for the big city.

Lando refuses the messenger who comes in person. When his uncle appears to him in a dream and solicits help, Lando refuses his uncle ... who is then crushed in the dream by a papier-māché boulder. Finally, a gang of ruffians fatally shoots Lando, and his uncle absorbs the death blow. At this, Lando goes to visit his uncle.

Of course, the uncle has died by this point -- so it's up to Lando's uncle's son-in-law (Lando's cousin-in-law?) to teach Lando the sacred words of protection ... Spiritus Sanctus Christos.

Even then, Lando doesn't feel the need to take down the Prince of Magic until the Prince kidnaps Lando's wife to be a bride for the Prince's master ... Satan.

So, with the help of Cousin-in-law, Lando sets off to rescue his wife and defeat the Prince of Magic. Cousin-in-law explains that Lando is the "Coronado," destined to fight the Prince of Magic.

There is a random cage of naked women. The Prince's prior brides. They are ensorcelled, as all they do is stand quietly, naked.

Lando and Cousin-in-Law are trying to find a way to sneak into the Prince's lair. Cousin-in-Law knows a way, but it's dangerous. So they go a different way.

They split up, to double their chances. They fight snakes, separately. Cousin-in-Law dies of a broken heart. Lando encounters a small boy. The small boy leads him to an old man. The old man gives Lando a stick. It is made clear by implication that the small boy is Jesus, the old man is God, and the stick is a God-Stick. Much to my relief, there are no Manneken Pis moments with the young Jesus.

Lando uses the God-Stick to find and defeat The Prince of Magic, and then he releases all the naked women from their cage. But still his wife is missing. Lando leaves the God-Stick and goes to search for her.

He finds her ... but Satan (in full stereotypical regalia with red tights and pitchfork) is there as well! Lando fights Satan, and is being badly beaten. We are yelling at Lando for leaving the God-Stick in the room where the naked women were. Lando then falls to his knees, and prays. The God-Stick miraculously shows up, and Lando is then able to Kill Satan. At which point, his wife is freed.

I somehow don't remember any of this in the King James Version.