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anonymous kph

N is for Ninja Phantom Heroes

Wow. Most disappointing ninjer movie ever. If it had starred Richard Harrison, then perhaps Ninja Phantom Heroes would have been worth the hour and a half.

It did feature Catman, at least. Twice. Catman, like Darth Vader, is full of tinier men. Jonathan Isgar did his little turn on the catwalk as Catman in the Catman films, but the dubbed voice of Catman is assigned to a different actor in this movie, as was the dubbed voice (but not the body) of Gus. Sadly, this was the high point in the movie -- playing "spot the voice actor."

The plot was nearly incomprehensible (not because it was convoluted -- rather, it just made no sense, and characters appeared and disappeared pretty much at random). There were these three crime bosses (Chang, Chen, and the other one). There were these three yokels (Fatty, Baldy, and ... Skinny?). There was this American ex-GI smuggling arms to (or possibly from) Hong Kong via an Arabic contact. There was an ex-compatriot hunting him down. Rinse, stir, and swirl. Swirly swirly swirl. Even the climactic ninja battle was disappointing, despite the appearance of both a bullet-shooting parasol and a flying spinning thing that looked like a baby Dalek with its gyroscope out of whack....

Not all that ninjers is gold. Sad, but true.