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anonymous kph

R is for The Roller Blade Seven

Of all the Scott Shaw films I have seen (with or without Donald G. Jackson), The Roller Blade Seven is the acme of Zen Filmmaking.

I use the word acme instead of zenith because I want you to think of Wile E. Coyote -- the same crazed anarchy of those cartoons is on display inside this film, or as I call it in my notes, One Fucked-Up Random Encounter Table.

The reason this movie works so well as a movie instead of just a manifesto is because the framework upon which the random encounters are hung is solid, and all of the Zen stuff is done within that structure.

The basic story is: Our Hero (Hawk, played by Scott Shaw) is given a Quest by Father Donaldo (Donald G. Jackson). He gathers a group around him (the psychic says she sees "a Samurai, a Passive, a Clown," which doesn't really add up to Seven, but what the heck).

People roller skate through culverts a lot in this movie. A guy in samurai armor. A guy playing the banjo. The Big Bopper. Kabuki the Clown. The Black Knight. The shadow of the cameraman (Whoops!).

The phrase "Martial Arts Free-For-All with Banjo" is another one that appears in my notes. There is random nudity. Hawk fights a ninja. There are random banjos. We get to see that camera shadow again (it's darn near everywhere).

There are jarring music transitions, and we are in The United Skates of America. Father Donaldo talks to us about time. Hawk succeeds in his mission, and gets married. And then gets killed. Or maybe not. But in any case, there's The Pride of the Yankees. Repetitively.

It features almost all of our favorite Don Jackson / Scott Shaw actors: Scott Shaw, Frank Stallone, Don Stroud, Joe Estevez, and even Donald G. Jackson himself. Everybody but Robert Z'Dar.

Looking through my notes, there are 8 categories where I do not see a potential Smithee nomination (Oblivious, Deus Ex Machina, Stupidest-Looking Monster, Worst Science, Best One-Liner*, Worst Cover Copy, Cutting Butter with a Chainsaw, Acting Appropriately Stupid*). But let's be honest -- any movie that begins with Bad Acting at 0 minutes and ends with a Crummy Ending, and yet is still highly enjoyable ... is a total Win.

(* Perhaps I did not look hard enough.)



I ended up buying a copy of "Guns of El Chupacabre" a while back. It's actually kind of enjoyable, though I've never managed to watch it all in one sitting.
Huh...sorry Anonymous poster, I had no idea that LJ was now set to "screen" comments. I have just unscreened you (and I need to check the settings to see what else LJ is helpfully doing).

I have seen Guns once and I swear there is some sort of meta-plot going on which I just can not quite grasp. I have also been told I'm on crack so maybe there isn't. It is still fun though and that I will defend!