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Post (non)Apocalyptic Page Boy Movie Night.

Hola Smithee Peeps, your Friendly Neighborhood Promotions Ninja here. It is, once again, one of those spaces of time in which we have quite a lot of nothing to do as we wait for Origins to roll around. I do believe the only thing left on our agenda is to finish up one of the MegaMeta3 giveaway puppets and press a bunch of buttons for handing out. I think we can accomplish that in the next 47 days so in the mean time, we're amusing ourselves with watching more movies for the 2000...9? season. Are we already to 2009??!?

Last night, due to an eye exam, the Guru cancelled his usual game and we had instead a double header movie night with Battle Queen 2020 and (Eunuch of the) Western Palace. Buuuut although "eunuchs possessed a great deal of influence in ancient China, and the power-hungry Wang is no exception..." (and I'll let that line sink in a bit) the DVD wouldn't play for us so we had to switch things up a bit. Thus, we wound up watching Sword of the Valiant: The Legend of Sir Gawain and the Green Knight instead.

Battle Queen 2020 is a post "asteroid smacking into the Earth" disaster flick starring Julie Strain. You may remember her as Queen Bee from Guns of El Chupacabra and she'll be making (has made for you A2 folk) a brief (heh) appearance in Smithee 16. Sadly, she is really not so much a Queen in this flick nor does she do much battle, although she kicks some bad guy hiney here and there. The film may very well be set in 2020 so one out of three aint bad, especially if we are talking baseball.

Which we're not. I think if they had named the movie "Voice-over Queen 2020" that might have fit a little better. Oh yes, a good chunk of the movie is done in voice over and not in the voice of the lead either. In fact, the character doing the voice over (who has little to nothing to add to this movie) doesn't show up until well into the flick. For the first half of the movie, I didn't realize that the narrator wasn't Gayle (Julie Strain's character) and was a little confused when the voice over mentioned "Gayle" doing this or "Gayle" being that. I thought we were having serious Bob Dole moments.

We weren't, but we did have some serious What?!? moments, One Liner moments, an Alas with the funniest F/X we've heard in a long time plus an almost Alas which would have been golden if the fella had actually died. I mean, death by dominatrix bayonet nipple bikini? Priceless! We may have to figure out if and how we can use that clip because that, folks, was awesome. Maybe we can make a new category of "Stuff that doesn't fit anywhere but we really think y'all would get a kick out of seeing", that way we can also show you the Jiffy Pop Rat Zombie Guy from Rats.

Sword of the Valiant: The Legend of Sir Gawain and the Green Knight on the other hand is all about the hair. Or it really should have been because the fight choreography looked like it was directed by a blind pacifist and the writing couldn't have been more predictable if we had had the script in front of us. In some cases we were actually filling in the lines before they were spoken they were that obvious. We did get to see a lot of "talent" show up on screen like Sean Connery (who, incidentally, popped in to chew up some scenery during breaks from filming Never Say Never Again), Peter Cushing, John Rhys-Davies, and of course our heroic lead Miles O'Keeffe (with his blond pageboy wig as costar).

We don't get enough knights in armor Smithee movies, in my opinion, so it was nice to be able to glean a few gems for our show. Sadly, nobody acted quite bad enough to snap up a Worst Acting nomination, but we managed to cull a What??!?, One Liner, F/X and a Whoops from the film. It's always nice when the hour and forty minutes of time that is sucked from your soul during one of these flicks actually yields worthy Smitheeness. Huzzah!


The "Must Be Seen To Be Believed"? Maybe not a voting category, but the odd clip played here and there during the show?