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Ninja Grass

The origin Myth of Alien Seed

Or how I envision the conversation that took place between first (and only time) director Bob James and his best friend and good drinking buddy.

So I was talking with Bob James the other day and he said to me, "You know what?" I told him that I know a lot of things and then he says "I really want to make a movie." Just like that, outta the blue. He wants to make a movie. Now you know I aint one quash a fella's dreams but Bob is no Spielberg. In fact, I think the closest Bob has ever been to Hollywood is his home town of Colorado Springs and who's going to go see a movie by Joe Anybody from Colorado? As I understand it, you gotta get in from the ground with these things (preferably in California) or you gotta have a cousin who knows a guy who owes another dude a favor.

Anyway, it seems Bob already had a script, penned by his truly, and by his thinking that was the largest chunk of the project done. Not that I'm in the industry, but I've seen a lot of film gone wrong so I says to him, gently like, "You know, Bob, sometimes a script - even a really good script, isn't good enough. No offence there, but you're an unknown and aint nobody going to come see your flick on your say so. You gotta have some star power to back your project."

"Oh, I've thought about that. I wrote Erik Estrada and he's willing to back the movie as long as he gets to play the evil scientist."

"Erik Estrada? Like the CHiPs Erik Estrada? You're gonna make Poncherello the bad guy?"

"Oh, he's not going to be the only bad guy. I'm going to have some government agents in there and a new age priest and they're all going to be after this one girl but for different reasons."

"So it's going to be a lot of subterfuge and cloak and dagger chase stuff?"

"That and I'm going to blow up a VW Bug!"

"Woah. The big finale eh?"

"Oh no. I've just always wanted to blow up a VW Bug. That and have a girl toting around a really big kick ass Tommy gun. Maybe she goes after the guys who are after her."

"Where's she going to get a gun like that?"

Bob just sort of blinks at me like I asked if I could eat his cat for lunch. "I don't know, maybe the aliens. That's not important right now-"

"Hold up...aliens?"

"Yeah, aliens. They impregnate the girl so she can give birth to the alien messiah who will bring peace to the world."

"Oh. You going with your standard Greys or something more exotic?"

"Exotic. Except I'm not sure I really want to use all my budget on aliens when most of the action is going to be between the girl, an alien hunter reporter she meets and the bad guys looking for them. No, I think I'll go with something more Grey like. Maybe I can get some Cantina masks and some sciency looking jumper suits and film them all crazy. That'll work. Say, can I borrow your car? I have this chase scene in mind through the South Street parking ramp and your car handles really well. Dale's going to be driving it."

"Huh...well alright. Dale is a good driver. Wait...isn't that ramp gated?"

"Uh huh. The good guy is going to be chased right through that bad boy. Bamn!"

"Through the...OK you know what? No way."

"Come on, you know Dale's car corners like a pregnant cow."

"Absolutely not."

"Well, can I at least use your car for the other non gate crashing scenes?"

"Just as long as you don't wreck it."

"Cool. Come on. Let's go down to the Mile High Club and talk with Donny. I bet he'd let me film there."

"You're going to put a topless bar in the flick? Because...?"

"Eh, maybe the girl waitresses there. Who cares? Boobies!"

"Can't fault that."

"Do you still have that pyro suit? I'm thinking a good fire stunt is in order."

"The driver of the Bug?"

"Nah. I think that'd be over kill. I'm sort of working out the climactic last battle thing. You know, the agent who gets shot, falls into the pit of burning gasoline and then crawls out only to get shot back into the pit. I think that'd be a satisfying end."

Well OK then. Yes, this movie is really about a woman who is impregnated by aliens in order to give birth to the Alien Messiah which will bring peace to the world. What I left out was that the government agents want to kill her because if there is peace, they'll be out of a job. That plus if the Aliens have their way (heh), they won't need to abduct any more young women and we won't ever get to see a bunch of really tall actors in Cantina head-like masks and evil white jumpsuits. Filmed in drug-o-vision.

Yes, they did randomly blow up an old model VW Bug. Because...it looked cool? Yeah, I do believe that was filed under What??!?

They also drove one Mustang-ish (the sedan model, not the cool looking one) car around and around and around a parking ramp but switched out to a same color but totally different car for the gate crashing scene. Then went back to the original car. That wasn't one of our Whoopses though because...

Continuity! Just one of those over the shoulder shots where one chick's hair is clearly back and out of the way and then SURPRISE! When we see her from another angle the magic hair untucks itself and is all loose and fancy free. The car switch was a little bit more difficult to see and if there is going to be one whoops we think will really show, it's totally the magic hair.

Dear god. The chase scenes.

Dear god, the montaging. It took us a very long time to figure out what the heck was going on. One character, the new age priest, has one random scene in the beginning where he talks to a lady in a mini (but not a micro mini. She's talking to a padre after all, a girl's gotta have some standards) and we never see her again after that. They don't even talk about anything relating to anything so when yet another girl is murdered and the priest weeps inconsolably in front of a rack of prayer candles we all said "Huh?" It's like the director was all "then I want a shot of a priest lamenting in front of some of those candles things. Stick it in at the 37 minute mark."

Acting. Argh. Sadly, I think the best actor was Erik Estrada and...well...ouch.

But! badmovie didn't let our night of watching lead to despair. Oh no. He imdbed up some trivia bits about Alien Seed which are amusing. Ish. Anyway the topless bar which I named "The Mile High Club" (because nobody remembered the actual name) was a real working strip joint. And those women were real working strippers. I take that back about Erik Estrada...I think the stripper women were the best actors in the film.

The movie was also shot in an Abandon trolley barn in Colorado Springs.