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everybody loves batratspidercrab

A Decree from the Ballot Bimbo

I am imposing a new decree upon the Smithee Awards, unilaterally and unconditionally. I don't care that I'm not a Smithee Supreme Committee Member -- I am putting my foot down, and if somebody doesn't like it, my foot can go down on top of his with considerable force.

New Decree:

There Shall Be No Flint Knapping at the Smithee Awards.

This is based upon a dream I had last week. The awards ceremony was underway, and there was a guy sitting in the center of the classroom making flint arrowheads -- flint knapping. He was carefully striking his proto-arrowhead with another piece of rock, and a sliver of flint would be chipped off.

Which was fine, really, until he started hitting hard enough that the little razor-edged chips of flint went flying through the air, and started hitting the rest of the audience in the eyes. Which blinded them.

Mind you, I know full well that this is the Smithee Awards, and people might actually be grateful to have their eyes put out mid-show. But still, no one had actually asked to be blinded, and all the hard work by our editing team was going unappreaciated. So, I marched down and took the microphone, and announced that as of now, there would be no flint-knapping at the Smithee Awards. Absolutely none.

Then I told the knapper, with a great deal of irritation: "Why can't you just make chain mail like everybody else?"

So. New rule. Making chain mail at the ceremony is A-OK. Flint knapping, though, is verboten.


While it may be difficult, I think that I can restraing myself, out of respect to the editing team...
Much appreciated. I'd hate to have to get all Ballot Bimbo of Wrath!!!! on your ass.
Remember--I teach the visually impaired, so I can teach the newly blind people how to read Braille, how to use a cane, etc.
The Smithees by Braille sounds like some sort of violation, I think. Yikes! But should some miscreant break my rule, we'll be depending on you!


It's good that you put a stop to the guy. He may have been preparing to express a little anti-American sentiment...

-Sean K.
Well, as long as it wasn't anti-Smithee sentiment, we'd be ok with that. I think.
Hey wait--you're not on the Supreme Committee?? You're the BALLOT BIMBO!! WTF is going on???? You need to post a flow chart of the hierarchy of the Smithees
:) And don't forget the Stalker Section--including the guy who makes all the stuff for you and your loyal and humble CyberStalker (me) :)
The Smithee Org chart?

Hmmmm.... What a scientific achievement that would be!

I'll put some thought into it.