?

Log in

No account? Create an account
zarth arnonymous

the Life Cycle of the Surfer Zombie

Pretend this is science class, and I have threaded up the film projector and dimmed the lights.

If you stay awake to watch the filmstrip, congratulations. You will learn something.

The Surfer Zombie has a peculiar life cycle, which is unique among North American mesomorphs. A Surfer Zombie is born when another Surfer Zombie leaps atop them and vomits black bile. It is unknown whether the black bile has to enter the mouth or whether mere skin contact is sufficient -- since being leapt upon by a Surfer Zombie tends to result in a screaming victim.

When the black bile hits the system, the recipient dies. Ten minutes later, a Surfer Zombie is born. The Surfer Zombie mimics all the behaviors and memories of the host organism, at first -- although moderately rapid physical and mental degeneration start to occur after 24 to 48 hours.

Once the Surfer Zombie has ingested bits of ten sentient beings (and it has to be ten -- no more and no less), then the 11th being is vomited upon, passing on the "gene," and the original Surfer Zombie dies, thus completing nature's cycle.

Surfer Zombies are endangered because while they do not die following ordinary injury, they are inarguably dead (barring a sequel) after that black bile spews -- and people have been known to escape being infected. From this we can conclude that their numbers are constantly dwindling, and one day they will pass from this earth entirely, like the passenger pigeon or the Whig.

The teacher surreptitiously looks around, and hands out money to all the students who stayed awake until the end of the filmstrip on this noble animal.

Then I turn the lights back up, rewind the film, and return the movie, projector, and cart to the A/V room.



If you slept through the filmstrip, you lucked out this time. There wasn't a quiz.
Tags:

Comments

Monies!

Dollar dollar dollar dollar dollar dollar dollar dollar dollar dollar dollar dollar dollar dollar dollar dollar dollar dollar dollar dollar dollar dollar dollar dollar dollar dollar dollar dollar dollar dollar dollar dollar dollar dollar dollar dollar!