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Do Not Want (new can)

Ann Arbor Smithee 17 Write-up

Another Ann Arbor Smithee Year has come and gone and despite the universe trying to conspire against us, we prevailed! It took a little scrambling, several extra e-mails, a roll of tear off tape, a bajillionty WE'VE MOOVED-ACK! flyers and eight pieces of sidewalk chalk but I think we showed fate who is prepared for unsuspecting circumstances. HA!

Maybe this year is the year the Smithees start showing their teenage rebellion tendencies because it sure was a rough road starting out. There was room scheduling drama (which was adroitly averted by a loyal Smitheeite), then building closing drama, then Passover drama and finally Dalai Lama Drama (which is just too fun to say!). But like good parents, we lovingly took all these growing pains in stride and with the help of a ton of tape, flyers and half a box of sidewalk chalk, managed to avert any serious crises.

We arrived at the Smithee's new 2008 home an hour earlier than we usually do because we had some last minute directionary plans to put into motion. So at 5ish we pulled up to the Late night access doors of the MLB and then found out that they do not like to be propped open (which is why the case of water is lying about seemingly randomly in the way). We started out with them propped open soas to facilitate the hauling of the snacks but after a while a strident THE DOORS ARE OPEN!!! alarm began to sound. Thus, they remained inconveniently closed the rest of the lugging. Then we also discovered, amidst hauling armloads of stuff in, that one of the three doors is the unlocked one and it's not necessarily always the same door. It was like a giant shell game of building entry until we taped those suckers open from the inside.

5:04...the witching hour at Collingwood. Also...where are the lights?

Ah. Good. They've done a serious overhaul to this room since I was a college going lass. For one, cool clock. For two, awesome AV room...which we didn't have access to. That's too bad, it would have been tres chic if we had.

Wala! The venue. Huzzah for no bigsteppy-littlesteppy-bigsteppy-littlesteppy of the Chem building but boo on the middle aisle not-being-able-to-use-the-AV-room quandry. No cool overhead room meant that the projector sat in the walkway. People also tended to sit close to the walkways which threw off our ballot-fu. lunargeography and I have wrestled the Chem building ballot collecting into a science which didn't translate really well over in the Modern Languages Building.

Better than the Chem Lab, MLB Aud 3 came with a piano! That we couldn't use (upon pain of Choral Society Harassment I think). MLB-3 also does not have a sink which was sorely missed by the end of the show when we had to dispose of the opened drink leftovers. DOAH!

Around 6pm, LG and I took our chalk, flyers and creativity for a walk to the Chem building, marking the way to the new room as we went. We also got sammiches and coffee on the way back. Score for MLB: It's really close to Starbucks and Potbelly's (among other tasty places).

By 7pm, you all started to arrive...

and dig into the snacks. This year's highlights were badmovie's vegetarian bacon bars (hee!), edible Easter Basket grass that nobody edibled, Creme Between cookies, and the bowl of S&Ms which were a mix of mediocre cherry M&Ms and bland to bad chocolate Skittles.

People also brought stuff, as always happens and we wound up with Beer and spices potato chips, cantaloup hard candy, Passover Pepsi (made with real sugar!) and some vile dip something my mother brought. She only paid a dollar for it and it shows. She also brought Cinnabon coffee cake which was AWESOME so I can't ban her from the Smithees quite yet.

Of course there were drawings for cool Smithee stuff:

Here are two people we know winning stuff, which is really weird. It seems like a lot of our friends win stuff even when we try to make things as neutral as possible. A random tie dyed fella picked Ken's name for the trashcan of buttons and Ken picked Sean (who he doesn't even know!) to win a Norbert Crawling Eye Monster hand puppet. Maybe we just have so many friends that statistically someone we know is bound to win something.

The audience boogered around at intermission because MLB only has one small bathroom on the first floor. Strike MLB.

Things that amuse the Ballot Ninja: Last year this lady came with a stuffed octopus. This year her date was a giant stuffed fish. I kinda wonder what exactly didn't work out between her and the octopus from last year. Maybe they decided that they just needed to start seeing other Chordata?

I was also amused by the reaction to the Scarecrow Gone Wild One-liner. I can't remember if it won, but the audience cheered very enthusiastically when Asshole Mike voiced his opinion of splitting up. You go A-Hole Mike!

This fella was challenging our ninjaness (the Smithee ninjas in general, not the royal "our" ninjaness) so I considered taking him out with secret Smithee Ninja-fu techniques. Buuuut then I decided that sounded like a lot of effort so I let the Unhealthy Snacks and bad clips beat him into a vibratory stupor. By the end of the show he was putty. PUTTY! And I didn't have to lift one ninja finger. HOOO!

We resumed the show and ended right around 11:30. The audience is clapping here but there was a heartwarming disappointed "awwwing" when we announced at the end of the Worst Picture category that we had come to the end of another Ann Arbor Smithees.

The counters were still counting so we had more giveaways!

One of us knows winner number three [EDIT: badmovie used to work with him and his name is Chris] but huzzah! Nobody on the Smithee crew knew who winner four was! Except now we do so when he wins next year we can't say that he is some random Smithee fan. Maybe THAT's how it works out?

There were 171 max votes which was a lot lower than last year's amazing 243 votes but very much in line with the slow Smithee growth we've been seeing over the years. Also it's vastly amazing given that three weeks ago we had our room switched and all the publicity had already gone out with the wrong room on it. I'm pretty happy with 171 given the circumstances.

-Your Friendly Neighborhood Promotions Ninja


It was a good show, so those 72 missing people really missed out.

Not too hot on the MLB myself. Plenty of seating but the sightlines aren't that great, and the sound wasn't as good either because the speakers didn't have a nice high perch to sit on.
I did miss the Chem Building, and my periodic table (which allowed me to make my "periodical table" joke :)).
:self-absorption on: OMG! I can't believe how fat I look!! OMG, am I that fat?!?! :self-absorption off:
It was an awesome, terrific show!!!!