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anonymous kph

M is for Mega Snake

The least I should be able to do is give Mega Snake a longer review than I gave Little Cigars. But will I?

Mega Snake begins in the past, with a family going to church. It's a small family, just two young brothers (Les and Duff), and their parents. They go to a snake-handling church. Les is afraid of the snakes, although everyone else is rapturously fondling them. A poisonous snake bites at Les, but his father takes the fangs. As he's dying, the preacher goes on about how it's God's will. God is choosing to take him home. Meanwhile, young Les is asking the congregation to call a doctor.

In the present, Les is an EMT. His mother and brother nag him about going to church, but he's never been back. Whatever bad things you can say about Les, he's not stupid. Unlike his brother. Duff goes off to buy some venemous snakes from a Native American dude, and steals the most dangerous one (the "Unteka") when the Native American dude won't sell it.

There are three rules when dealing with the Unteka. Don't let it get near water. Don't feed it after midnight. Don't-- Wait, that's something else. These rules are: Don't let it out of the jar; Don't let it eat anything living; Don't fear the heart of the snake.


Pretty much immediately, Duff breaks the jar, and the snake escapes, eating a kitten, some chickens, a dog, and from that point on, people. Lots of people. Apparently we're good eatin' if you're a sixty-foot-long snake. A sixty-foot-long venemous snake, because heaven knows just being a giant constrictor isn't dangerous enough....

After enough side characters get eaten (Sheriff + Deputies on ATVs = Meals on Wheels), the main characters (Les and his on-again-off-again girlfriend) track down the Native American dude, and then they all go to hunt the snake (which is vacationing at the Thornton (TN) County Fair). As mentioned by hiromasaki, this is where Feedback comes into the movie (as a Special Guest Star), and utters the following immortal words: "That's a big snake."

As you might have guessed from Rule Three above, Les needs to allow the snake to swallow him, so that he can cut its heart out from the inside.

Did you guess it?

Well, did you?


For some reason that I do not understand, I read "don't let it eat anything living" as "don't let it eat anything after midnight". Although Megasnake Meets Gizmo would be a good movie. And by "good", I mean "terrible but worthy of a movie night".

Gizmo meets MegaSnake. Yeah, I'd pay $1 at the cheap theater to see that. But only if the broadway-singing Gremlin from Gremlins 2 has a cameo.
Oh yeah! And the gremlin who was a flasher....
But we can skip on the transgender Gremlin, unless we want to see hot, hot, Gremlin on Snake action.

Or not, because we'd need the "Let's up the rating to Arrrrrr" nomination.
You could have the R version and the "NC-17" version, featuring lots and lots of Gremlin on Snake action and the X version, with full penetration.

Ok, Feedback gets one category.

"Saying something obviously stupid" category. "No Shit!"

It also deserves the "Most Oblivious Award" for the Snake watching TV with the brother from behind the couch before it eats him.

Re: Ok, Feedback gets one category.

Um ... that's the best clip in the whole damnang movie. In my opinion.

Re: Ok, Feedback gets one category.

What, Feedback's 1.5 minutes? Absolutely!

And just think, he had to do 2 full weeks of hard realty-show time for that one line and 26 pages of comic immortality.

Re: Ok, Feedback gets one category.

Oh, I agree. He also had the best acting in the movie, and i've told him this multiple times.

That's why I didn't suggest Worst Acting. But the line still makes me think "No shit."

I just wish the audio would have made his catchphrase louder, so it could be more easily heard.