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anonymous kph

T is for Thunder Warrior III

My VHS copy of Thunder Warrior III is old, and I had to adjust the tracking on my VCR several times. Even so, I could sense a message coming through.

The noble Thunder and his younger ... brother? cousin? flatmate? Little Crow are out in the wild, where Thunder is teaching Little Crow The Old Ways. Nearby, a bunch of Ignorant White Trash are doing weekend militia-style military maneuvers. The white trash slaughter some wild horses, and Thunder ambushes them.

The Stereotypical White Men beat down The Noble Indian (Thunder) and follow Little Crow to the Indian (Trailer) Village, which they proceed to torch. They then beat Thunder some more, just for good measure.

Thunder goes to the Sheriff and demands justice, but the Sheriff asks for Stupid White Man Things, like some form of proof other than Thunder's word. Thunder tells the Sheriff that he will have to seek revenge, but the Sheriff warns him off revenge. Thunder accepts this, and submits a bill for damages.

The Bad Guys refuse to pay the bill.

Thunder starts systematically beating up the Bad Guys' stuff.

They respond by hiring a hit man. This hit man kidnaps Thunder's ... wife? girlfriend? Appalachian cousin? in order to draw Thunder out of hiding. Thunder responds appropriately, backed up by the entire village.

When the Sheriff finds out about this, he goes to the Bad Guys and tells them to pay Thunder ... and he'll file charges. The Bad Guys try to frame and kill Thunder. They fail.

Thunder strikes again during the fundraiser for the new shopping center. He tracks down the Baddest of the Bad Guys and nearly kills him -- but the Sheriff intervenes, telling Thunder to take all the money and go.

Thunder gives the money to his Tribal Elders for the sake of The Village, and (along with His Woman) rides off in a cloud of dust in his totally-inconspicuous bright orange Ford pickup.

Three more things about this movie, and then I'll let you go.

1. The Bad Guys drank Coke. Thunder's house had cans of Pepsi. The Innocent Townsfolk drank RC.

2. Not a single character was killed during the entire movie.

3. Every character pronounced the word "Indian" identical to "Engine." Sometimes they meant "engine," and sometimes "Injun."

Bo Svenson was in Thunder Warrior and Thunder Warrior II. Why couldn't he have been in TW3?


Out in the wild... then a fundraiser for a new shopping center... Hmmm...

Reminds me of the "Ninja Master" TV pilot. The scriptwriter got a little confused about location, starting with a "Dukes of Hazard" setting and ending in a big city... all under the jurisdiction of the same crooked sheriff.
That wouldn't be nearly as funny if it wasn't for the RC. The whole movie's worth it just for that.